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IMAG2009

Some of you saw this on Facebook already. I was in a moment at the airport, and let it out. It's pretty raw...

Me, August 4, 2014, "Gonna try to make a long status as short as possible. I’m having a moment of reflection and it requires a bit of explanation… Remember how I was gonna trek across America with a guy with cancer while he runs 2700 miles? Well that’s not gonna happen anymore. Without full disclosure, I don’t feel comfortable with the journey so I backed out. Remember how I was gonna pack up my life and take a “leave of absence” to Jacksonville, Florida? I’ll spare you the details of that, but that’s not gonna happen anymore either.

I don’t think I was steering my ship for a while. I’m not even sure I was ON my ship. I think I was allowing the influence of others to pull me along in a raft BEHIND my ship. And that wasn’t necessarily a direct influence nor did it have a horribly negative impact on my life. In fact, I can’t help but feel so damn proud of how good life IS. With the good, there’s always the bad though and there have been a multitude of both direct and indirect influences and struggles pulling me along instead of giving me the strength to lead.

After my month away I started to realize that I was being dragged out to sea by my own ship. That is NOT how I roll. What is happening!? With all my might, I began pulling my little raft back to my ship (luckily it was still connected!). I climbed onboard and I declared, this is MY damn ship and took the wheel. I have never felt more free, confident, and HAPPY with that decision. I also realized I wasn’t pulling myself back to my ship alone. I have a whole CREW of shipmates. FRIENDS!! People who offer me the freedom to be myself, support when I have to make hairy decisions, confidence when I’m faced with doubt, and love when I’m feeling alone. How did I ever think I was on that raft alone?

Life is truly what you make it. You have bad experiences, bad situations, bad people in it. I could have let the bad lead the way. I could have survived in my raft boat. But only for a short time. Eventually I would have ran out of energy and my raft would have deflated. Instead, I feel brave. I climbed back on my ship; I’m taking a stand for me. I think that every ugly moment, each obstacle of difficult circumstance, every discovery of betrayal and confusion, and every bout of deceit we are faced with, we are equally offered understanding, a challenge to be a better person, an opportunity to forgive or change or grow…if we open our eyes to it.

I’m taking an early flight from Denver back to home. I need home. I love my crazy adventures of travel and spontaneity (and believe me, that’s not gonna stop or change!!!), but in this moment, I miss home. I am so grateful, blessed even, for the decisions I have made to bring me where I am and with the people I so adore.

Moral of the story (okay okay, I’m wrapping it up!!). Keep your eyes open during the bad and ugly because it is only then that you recognize all the good and beauty that is in your life. And my favorite advice: Be You, Be Happy, Be Amazing!!

Headed HOME."

Well, I made it home and it feels so good to BE home. I always have plenty of catching up to do but at least my catch up is all things I WANT to be doing...

I received a TON of support after this post. Thank you. Everyone in my life means more to me than you can ever imagine. Like, you get me out of bed everyday, through every workout every race, and make me realize that I am worth it and everything is going to be ok. 

It's time to get busy with my Ironman Arizona training and focus on being the person I want to be :) 
Happy Happy Wednesday!!