A New Year


2020. Wow, can you believe it!? I've been meaning to write a little reflection of 2019 for over a month now. The year just went by so fast! Why is time always in such a hurry?!

I can't say 2019 was the best year of my life because a few not so great things happened. But it's still been pretty incredible. Looking back...

 "I didn't change, I just see things differently now."

Luca took me skiing. It was technically my 2nd time ever but I was young and remembered nothing about the actual 'how to do it' part. LOL! I honestly didn't love it. I loved the idea, I loved spending the time with Luca in the mountains, but skiing is hard and scary. That's not to say I won't do it again...
The White Marble half marathon in Carrara and meeting Max and Carrie.
Luca graduated with his MBA!
Hiking Pietra di Bismantova, parm in Parma, and our Val d'Orcia tour.
April was tough reaching 1 year since Jamie died.
We met Steve (a classmate) in Modena though and that really brought with it a moment of home! Not to mention reconnected me with an awesome friend!
Life and training continued...
In May I finished Barcelona 70.3 (barely!!), Firenze for Luca's birthday, and some family time in Milan. Also met Max and Carrie for the Rimini Wellness Festival <-- so cool!
In June Luca headed to Rome and I headed to the states. I stayed in Ohio mid-June until mid-October.

 "Dust settles, I don't."

Upon arriving, I found out we were pregnant. We had actually been trying for some time but when I got picked up for Kona 2019, we stopped trying - and THAT'S when it happens!
I was prepared to postpone Ironman Kona to 2020.
Luca came to Ohio and just as quick as we got pregnant, we lost it. Ectopic. That means it got stuck in the fallopian tubes. Luckily I didn't have to have the emergency surgery, just the emergency chemotherapy to terminate the pregnancy. Even though Kona was back on, I took all this really hard. And maybe haven't even entirely gotten over it. We don't talk about losing babies much, it's quite the heartache. Especially when it seems everyone else is getting pregnant and having babies. And instead of actually allowing a time to mourn, it's shrugged off like it wasn't meant to be. But I don't think that's really true. Anyway, I have a blog post standing by; just not ready yet.

And so a whole lot of other things happened instead: farm life, Kings Island, sprint tri's, tons of training, Ironman 70.3 Ohio, taking care of grandma, helping grandpa, time with friends, the Wright Wride, running all the miles with Cheryl biking alongside me, the tractor, alzheimer's, the cows... All leading up to the big event:

 "I can. And I will..."

Ironman Kona. 15 Ironman in the making and I had my 16 hours of glory in Kailua-Kona, Hawaii! The happiest photos, the biggest smiles, the feeling was indescribable! I finally made it and I did it big. Returning to Ohio though my grandma passed away. A few days before, Luca also lost his grandma. We mourned together, an ocean between us.

Back to Italy - home sweet home - and Luca is sent on another mission. AHH!! This is when we found the lump in Jake and found the best oncologist in Milan. Surgery and recovery meant a delay in December travels. We settled on a quick trip through Berlin, Germany and Prague, Czech before making it back to Milan for Christmas. Another mission kicks off and we're in Rome through the New Year's celebration and I'll go back home today.

So as you can read, the year really had its ups and downs! Luca and I were apart more than we were together. We learned a lot about the strength of our relationship though and what we want together. I lost a baby, my grandmother, and was terrified that I was going to lose my Jake too. I also gained new friends, new adventures, and spent an incredible amount of time with my Ohio friends and FAMILY. I think this is life. We must accept the bad with the good, the tears with the celebrations, the joy and the pain. I think I'm mostly doing it right and I've found my way. I'm living without regrets, with all my heart, and while it does still get dark, searching for the light!

 "Don't go with the flow, BE the flow."

2020 goals:
in training: Ironman and 70.3 Kazakhstan + a spring 70.3 but I haven't decided yet. And running. I want to run and run and run! I also want to commit to yoga. I say this every year. And I don't like it! But that's exactly why I WANT to do it!

in Coaching: A fresh commitment to my athletes and their goals.

in writing and reading: A fresh commitment to my blog, to YOU! To Tri Our Adventure. Accountability, adventures, life lessons - writing!! Writing is my therapy and it's gone by the wayside. Taking time to write. And time to read. DAILY! Also writing to my friends - emails, messages, letters, and post cards. Especially my niece, Autumn.

in relationship: More patience and understanding. Never miss a hug, a kiss, or an I love you. I will work tirelessly on never taking my Luca for granted. I am so lucky to have him and must treasure his heart. We completely failed our 2019 challenge, 52 weeks of us. Mostly because we were constantly separated by missions. We need to decide what our 2020 looks like...

and self: No fear. Confidence. Acceptance. Forgiveness. Expand my comfort zone. Be a reflection of the empowerment I speak. Be positive and a source of light.

And finally: Adventure the hell out of this life! 

 "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all."