Walmart and Cancer ~ Ramblings in Ohio

Standing at the front of aisle 4 I look down this 25 meter hallway. Each side has 6 shelfs and it's completely filled with chips. It's all chips! Every flavor, brand, style, kind of chip you can ever want in your entire life. In 20 lifetimes! Aisle 5 is the same with bread, snack cakes, pop tarts. The store continues for what seems like miles.

I get it, I've only been gone for 9 months, it can't be such a culture shock. I mean, this was my life for 37 years. But what I've realized being gone, guys, we have so much stuff. So much damn stuff. Sometimes in Italy I miss things or wish I could get my hands on this or that. After an hour in Walmart, I can't wait to get back to our simple life in Italy!

I still filled my cart with various stuff I need/want though. NyQuil, DayQuil, my favorite face wash. So don't think I'm some sort of Italian snob now. I actually got a bit carried away selecting items that I forgot I love so much. Hey Lisa, there's a weight limit on your bag and you have two more weeks in the states!! :O

But I really did, I walked up and down every single aisle in Walmart looking at all the stuff. Part of this was to take my mind off of Jake (and Jamie. But at the moment, just Jake). I dropped him off at Tipp Vet Hospital. I was so nervous I even knocked a (lit) candle off their counter. Get ahold of yourself woman! But who puts a candle on a counter at a dog joint anyway?! It was only a matter of time before a jog jumped on up and did the same! The surgery ultimately went great, the mass is being sent away for testing, and Jake is high as a kite. Me on the other hand, I have a kidney up for sale.

This all comes before my brother's surgery. Cancer after cancer. Too much cancer in only 2 short years. This time it's in his intestines and it's bleeding; causing anemia. The surgeon feared more and sure enough, once in, his lymph nodes are taking the hit too. Of course these can't be removed because too many blood vessels have the lymph nodes wrapped up. It would have caused more damage to remove them. So guess what that means? My brother had to wake up to discover he is in fact NOT cancer free. How bad does that suck!? Why is this shit so unfair!?

We all don't want someone we love to die. It hurts. We don't want to imagine our lives without this person. For Jamie, my hurt is much greater than self. I don't want Jamie to die because Jamie doesn't want to die. We all swallow the pain; it's inevitable. Jamie has one of the worst, most aggressive cancers you can possible have. And it's not some random case of cancer, he has the gene. The cancer GENE! Did you even know!? Yeah, neither us. It's taken Jamie a long time to find who he is in life. Meeting April and adopting her daughter Alyssa was very special for him. Having Autumn with April, his first born, was nothing shy of a miracle. Not to mention the born at 1 pound and in the hospital for 3 months situation. Why would a new father, such a good, hard working man, be burdened with this abuse?! April says, "God has a plan for our family and our trust is in him!" Sorry sister, but I call bullshit on that one. Cancer is the devil's way of getting around God.

But I'll leave my plans to the universe.

My mom is the business woman. She's logical and with reason, making plans, ya know? My dad is in denial. He said, "I have faith." In what? A cure!? The rest of us are anywhere between balling our eyes out and numb. Today, I'm numb. Jamie, he's terrified. "I don't want to die", he cries.
Fuck me, that's hard.

Okay, let's change the subject... I bought my very first pair of Nike's. Can you even believe it!? Trust me, they aren't for running!! They're for cruising the cities; exploration!! I have my Zoots for running and so many cute shoes for casual outings, but I realized I don't have any comfy, ordinary, walking shoes. So I bought some! And they're adorable! (of course, this came before a :O vet bill). But I did catch them on super sale at Kohl's!

Final thoughts for today's ramblings... David. David and I went to high school together. We were in the same study hall together. He was a Junior and I was a senior. He was a football jock and I was a ... weirdo? He used to encourage me (manipulate me) not to dress so baggy. And in fact, we made a deal (this was the manipulation part)... every Friday was "dress down" day and I was challenged (manipulated) to dress more preppy or more ... ahem ... normal. So I did! I realized I had a cute little body under all my grandpa clothes, and a booty that didn't stop. LOL! But for real, I got more and more comfortable and I think I was even being noticed (you know, by the boys) more. Anyway, David and I lost touch for years and later, love me some FaceBook!! were reconnected. David starting running and reaching out to me for advice and praise. Our friendship really grew strong and we would visit one another, go on adventures, and tri together! Now, he's truly become my best friend. Handing over his Jeep for my Ohio visit, he wins FRIEND OF THE YEAR <3 Love you my friend! I wonder if he reads my blog...

I will sign off, Jake needs to potty, breakfast, and a pain pill. Poor guy. I think I'll cruise to Columbus and give my brother a visit if he'll have me. Maybe pay Alyssa and Autumn a visit.
I miss my love so dearly (he's out on a ship mission right now). And I miss Italy. Oh to hear his voice right now. He would say, I love you beautiful, I miss you so much. And kiss the phone screen. Ha ha. My sweet Italian <3 <3
Okay Okay... thanks for listening!