Happy Birthday Jamie

Do you have a moment in life that stands out when you had a realization or a connection, rather?
I don't actually have many...
But one that stands out BIG TIME is my brother's birthday.
I was 11 and I remember his 16th birthday because of the cake my mom made for him and realizing, OHHHH, you are 16 on the 16th! She decorated the cake to look like a driver's license. And from then on I always remembered his birthday - February 16th. Now, it took many years later to remember/connect the year. Maybe I'll connect the dots on his 76th birthday...

Jamie and I were just enough years apart that I wasn't the little sister who needed a ride or benefitted from him getting his license. And for him, it was an opportunity to escape me instead. But I'll never forget how grownup he seemed (and probably felt) that day. I mean, his picture was on a CAKE!
I don't remember any birthdays beyond this one although I'm sure, with Jamie, some were pretty epic. But I bet none of them, ever again, had his face on a cake!

Today my brother would have been 44. This is his second birthday we celebrate without him.
It's not any easier.
I cried on the 14th. I cried on the 15th.
And today, I'm just sad.

I can't say my brother was my best friend. But he was my first friend. And I miss him bigger than life.