Unbecoming American
I didn’t set out to reinvent myself. I just moved to Italy to be with Luca. What felt like a new chapter at the time has slowly became a complete rewriting. Life abroad wasn’t some grand escape or romantic adventure. It has been a shift in everything I thought was normal. The longer I stay, the more I see my American habits, values, and assumptions in sharp relief. Not wrong, necessarily, but not universal. And now, years later, I find myself quietly, and sometimes uncomfortably, unbecoming American.
There are 195 countries in the world, and yet growing up, I could have sworn there were maybe three that mattered: the U.S., Europe (not a country, by the way), and somewhere vaguely "other" - China? Russia?... That’s not a joke. That’s the quiet arrogance embedded in American cultural DNA. A belief, however unconscious, that the world revolves around the U.S., and everything else is a footnote.As I live abroad, it’s the little things that reveal just how peculiar and at times, how ignorant our American sense of “normal” really is. I notice it not just in my daily life, but even more when friends and family from the U.S. come to visit. Their questions, reactions, expectations, everything from ordering coffee or food to navigating public transportation, remind me just how wide the gap has grown between what I used to accept without question and what now feels foreign, even absurd.
I made a list!
1. Measuring Everything in Inches, Feet, and Fahrenheit
Ask an American how many kilometers they ran today. Blank stare. The U.S. is one of only three countries in the world (alongside Myanmar and Liberia) that doesn’t use the metric system. Everyone else is calculating temperatures in Celsius and distances in kilometers, while we cling to a system even our own scientists rarely use. Why? Habit. Stubbornness. Or maybe just... no one ever questioned it.
2. Tipping Culture as a Moral Compass
Only in America is tipping mandatory but not included, and also somehow a reflection of your character. Abroad, tipping is optional, minimal, or simply not a thing. Workers are paid living wages. The emotional labor and guilt of whether 20% is enough or if 15% is insulting doesn’t exist. It's freedom masquerading as generosity in the U.S., but elsewhere, it’s recognized as a deeply flawed system.
3. Healthcare as a Luxury
Getting sick shouldn’t mean financial ruin. In the U.S., it can. Everywhere else in the world - from Europe to Southeast Asia - a hospital visit doesn’t come with panic about insurance codes or GoFundMe pages. Health care is seen as a human right, not a commodity. I want you to read this again: the United States is the only developed country in the world without universal healthcare. Americans are the only ones trained to think this is normal.
Getting sick shouldn’t mean financial ruin. In the U.S., it can. Everywhere else in the world - from Europe to Southeast Asia - a hospital visit doesn’t come with panic about insurance codes or GoFundMe pages. Health care is seen as a human right, not a commodity. I want you to read this again: the United States is the only developed country in the world without universal healthcare. Americans are the only ones trained to think this is normal.
4. Living to Work
Ask someone in Italy, Thailand, or Argentina what they "do," and they’ll tell you about their life: family, food, where they travel. Ask an American, and you’ll get their job title. The hustle culture in the U.S. is so baked in, we’ve confused our careers with our identities. The rest of the world works to live; we live to work, then burn out, then wonder why we’re miserable.
5. Obsession with Flags and National Pride
I’ve never seen another country hang flags in classrooms, on front porches, in grocery stores or sing the national anthem before a movie. Patriotism, in most of the world, is quiet and contextual. In America, it’s loud, constant, and often unquestioned. To question it is to be ungrateful which is, ironically, the most un-American thing you can be.
6. Guns as a Birthright
You don’t understand how deeply bizarre American gun culture is until you leave. No one else lives like this. No other developed country thinks mass shootings are just “part of life.” People abroad don’t fear movie theaters, schools, or supermarkets. They see our headlines and ask, “Why do you let this keep happening?” And all I can say is, I used to think it was normal too.
6a. Gun Show Loopholes and Open Carry Laws
Outside of war zones, nowhere else do people bring guns to grocery stores or public parks under the label of “freedom.” The gun culture in the U.S. is seen internationally as a terrifying outlier. Most countries regulate guns like dangerous tools. America treats them like accessories.
7. Geography: Optional
Most people I meet abroad can name U.S. states, cities, cultural references. Ask an average American to locate Croatia or Laos on a map... silence. We’re geographically isolated and educationally sheltered, which breeds a dangerous kind of ignorance: one that doesn’t know what it doesn’t know.
7a. Calling Themselves “America” When It’s Just One Country on Two Continents
The U.S. refers to itself as “America,” as if it owns the entire Western Hemisphere. But North and South America include over 30 other countries, from Canada to Argentina, all filled with “Americans” in the continental sense. The linguistic monopoly is a subtle form of cultural arrogance. It erases the identities of others and centers the U.S. as the default reference point for the entire hemisphere. It’s not just inaccurate it’s emblematic of how the U.S. views the world: with itself at the center.
The U.S. refers to itself as “America,” as if it owns the entire Western Hemisphere. But North and South America include over 30 other countries, from Canada to Argentina, all filled with “Americans” in the continental sense. The linguistic monopoly is a subtle form of cultural arrogance. It erases the identities of others and centers the U.S. as the default reference point for the entire hemisphere. It’s not just inaccurate it’s emblematic of how the U.S. views the world: with itself at the center.
8. Paid Maternity Leave? Good Luck.
The U.S. is one of the only developed countries with no guaranteed paid parental leave. New parents often return to work in a matter of weeks, while in most of the world, it's normal, even expected, to take months (or more) to bond with a child. The idea that parenthood is a private inconvenience rather than a public good is uniquely American.
9. College as a Financial Trap
In many countries, higher education is free or affordable. In the U.S., it’s a multi-decade financial burden. Young people are saddled with tens (or hundreds) of thousands in debt just for wanting to participate in society. Education isn’t seen as a right, it’s an investment you may never recover from.
10. Vacation Shaming
Two weeks of vacation is considered generous in the U.S., and even then, people often feel guilty for using it. Compare that to countries where 4–6 weeks off is the norm, and taking a full August off is a cultural given. In America, rest is a privilege, not a right and often framed as laziness.11. Religious Influence on Government
The blurring of church and state is a uniquely American paradox. The U.S. claims to be secular, yet major policy decisions, from reproductive rights to LGBTQ+ protections, are often shaped by Christian fundamentalism. In most modern democracies, that’s seen as alarming and unacceptable.
I can keep going. Do you want me to keep going?
12. Over-Policing Everything
From homeowners associations dictating lawn color to police being called for minor noise complaints or loitering, Americans live under a culture of hyper-regulation and over-surveillance. Other countries maintain order with social cohesion not constant control.
13. Legal Drinking Age of 21
The U.S. has one of the highest legal drinking ages in the world. In Europe, teens learn to drink socially and moderately. In America, drinking is taboo until 21 then suddenly legal which often leads to binge drinking and alcohol abuse. It’s prohibition logic dressed up as public health.
14. Refrigerating Eggs
It sounds minor, but it’s emblematic: in the U.S., eggs are washed and refrigerated due to regulatory practices that destroy their natural protective coating. In most other countries, eggs are stored at room temperature, and the whole system works fine and more sustainably.
15. Medical Ads on TV
The U.S. (and New Zealand) are the only two countries in the world where pharmaceutical companies can advertise directly to consumers. “Ask your doctor about…” is not a thing anywhere else. Medicine is a public good abroad, not a commercial pitch.
From homeowners associations dictating lawn color to police being called for minor noise complaints or loitering, Americans live under a culture of hyper-regulation and over-surveillance. Other countries maintain order with social cohesion not constant control.
13. Legal Drinking Age of 21
The U.S. has one of the highest legal drinking ages in the world. In Europe, teens learn to drink socially and moderately. In America, drinking is taboo until 21 then suddenly legal which often leads to binge drinking and alcohol abuse. It’s prohibition logic dressed up as public health.
14. Refrigerating Eggs
It sounds minor, but it’s emblematic: in the U.S., eggs are washed and refrigerated due to regulatory practices that destroy their natural protective coating. In most other countries, eggs are stored at room temperature, and the whole system works fine and more sustainably.
15. Medical Ads on TV
The U.S. (and New Zealand) are the only two countries in the world where pharmaceutical companies can advertise directly to consumers. “Ask your doctor about…” is not a thing anywhere else. Medicine is a public good abroad, not a commercial pitch.
15a. “Freedom” Defined by Consumer Choice
In the U.S., “freedom” often means being able to pick from 37 flavors of potato chips or choosing which overpriced health insurance plan to gamble on. But true freedom is about security, dignity, and agency. The ability to rest, to protest, to live without fear. Elsewhere, freedom means not being crushed by medical bills or going bankrupt from an ambulance ride. In America, freedom has been hollowed out and sold back as brand loyalty.
16. Turning Public Services into Profit Centers
Whether it's prisons for profit, toll roads, parking meters, or public schools funneling money into private testing companies, the U.S. has monetized almost every corner of public life. Elsewhere, infrastructure is considered a civic duty, not a market opportunity.
17. Credit Scores as a Personality Metric
Your access to housing, employment, even utilities can depend on your credit score, a number controlled by private companies based on opaque formulas. Most countries don’t use anything like it. The idea that your financial behavior defines your entire trustworthiness is uniquely American.
18. Worship of Billionaires
In the U.S., billionaires are treated like celebrities, saviors, and even philosophers. Elsewhere, wealth is often viewed with skepticism or discomfort. In many countries, extreme wealth is taxed, not admired. But in the U.S., it’s an aspiration, no matter the human cost.
In the U.S., “freedom” often means being able to pick from 37 flavors of potato chips or choosing which overpriced health insurance plan to gamble on. But true freedom is about security, dignity, and agency. The ability to rest, to protest, to live without fear. Elsewhere, freedom means not being crushed by medical bills or going bankrupt from an ambulance ride. In America, freedom has been hollowed out and sold back as brand loyalty.
16. Turning Public Services into Profit Centers
Whether it's prisons for profit, toll roads, parking meters, or public schools funneling money into private testing companies, the U.S. has monetized almost every corner of public life. Elsewhere, infrastructure is considered a civic duty, not a market opportunity.
17. Credit Scores as a Personality Metric
Your access to housing, employment, even utilities can depend on your credit score, a number controlled by private companies based on opaque formulas. Most countries don’t use anything like it. The idea that your financial behavior defines your entire trustworthiness is uniquely American.
18. Worship of Billionaires
In the U.S., billionaires are treated like celebrities, saviors, and even philosophers. Elsewhere, wealth is often viewed with skepticism or discomfort. In many countries, extreme wealth is taxed, not admired. But in the U.S., it’s an aspiration, no matter the human cost.
18a. Reality TV Celebrities Becoming Political Leaders
The U.S. has blurred the line between entertainment and governance. The fact that reality TV stars can win elections not in spite of their fame but because of it speaks to a nation addicted to spectacle. Politics has become performance. Policy takes a backseat to personality. Elsewhere, charisma matters too but rarely does being on "The Apprentice" or "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" qualify someone for public office. In America, it's all a show and increasingly, democracy is just another episode.
The U.S. has blurred the line between entertainment and governance. The fact that reality TV stars can win elections not in spite of their fame but because of it speaks to a nation addicted to spectacle. Politics has become performance. Policy takes a backseat to personality. Elsewhere, charisma matters too but rarely does being on "The Apprentice" or "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" qualify someone for public office. In America, it's all a show and increasingly, democracy is just another episode.
19. Lack of Public Transportation Infrastructure
In much of the world, you can get around easily, cheaply, efficiently, and without needing a car. Subways, high-speed trains, buses, trams: these are basic infrastructure. In the U.S., public transit is often underfunded, unreliable, or nonexistent outside major cities. The car is king by design. Urban sprawl, zoning laws, and lobbying from the auto industry have made personal vehicle ownership not just normal but necessary. Freedom, supposedly. But in reality, it’s dependency disguised as choice.
20. Calling People “Un-American” for Dissent
In theory, dissent is democratic. In practice, in the U.S., it's often labeled “un-American.” Criticize war, racism, capitalism, or the flag and you risk being told you don’t love your country. But what could be more American than free speech? The irony is painful: the same country that romanticizes rebellion (Boston Tea Party, anyone?) punishes modern-day dissenters as traitors. It's a form of silencing disguised as patriotism.
21. Hating Immigrants in a Country Built by Them
Perhaps the most bitter irony of all: the U.S. was founded, built, and shaped by immigrants. Forcibly through slavery, voluntarily through waves of migration, violently through colonization. Every city, every industry, every cultural pillar is touched by foreign hands. Yet the narrative now paints immigrants as threats. The people who sustain agriculture, clean homes, build roads, drive innovation, etc. are vilified. The country that brands itself as a melting pot now wants to seal the lid. Fear replaces history. And nationalism rewrites the truth: that America is immigrants, top to bottom.
Realizing the World is Bigger
The most humbling part of living abroad is realizing the world is not waiting for you to catch up. It’s already moving. It has always been. There are smarter, healthier, slower, more compassionate ways to live and they’re not American. I’m not saying the U.S. is all bad, but I am saying: it’s not the default. It’s not the goal. It’s not the pinnacle.I used to be proud to be American. Now, more often than not, I feel embarrassed. Not just because of the politics or the headlines, but because I once believed there was only one way to live - ours.
Now I know better.
Americans love to say they’re free. It’s our national slogan. But the reality tells a different story. In truth, many are tied down by invisible chains: crippling student debt, unaffordable healthcare, stagnant wages, and the constant grind of a system that values productivity over well-being. Add to that the weight of political division, systemic racism, gun violence, mass surveillance, and a government that often serves corporations more than people. What you have is not freedom. It’s a highly polished illusion. Real freedom is the ability to live without fear, to rest without guilt, to exist without constantly proving your worth. In most of the world, I’ve found more personal liberty in the simplicity of life than I ever did under the red, white, and blue.
Unbecoming American isn’t about shame. It’s about awakening. It’s about shedding the myths I grew up with and embracing a world that is far bigger, richer, and more nuanced than I was ever told.
And I’m still learning. Still unlearning.
Still unbecoming.
And I’m still learning. Still unlearning.
Still unbecoming.