IM Coz Part 2, Keeping it Real
Guys, I'm FREAKING OUT! I know this is going to be my biggest Ironman challenge for one reason... no wetsuit. 2.4 miles in the deep sea without my security blanket GULP. But signing up, I made a decision... I want Kona. Kona is no wetsuit. If I can't do IM Coz with no wetsuit, I certainly won't be able to do Kona with no wetsuit. I'm going to face my fear... and I signed up.
And now, the race is before me. I got a practice swim in today in the only place we are allowed, the end of the point to point swim. I swam only 200 meters and I'm disappointed to admit I felt weak and lacked confidence. Holy fuck how am I going to be able to swim 2.4 miles like this? And I was only 100 meters from safety!! Oh my God oh my God oh my God. I texted mom panicked. I texted Dean and Phil panicked. I texted Luca panicked. Why does everyone have so much more faith in me than I do myself?! Well guys, what if I CAN'T do it!? What if I DO drown!? What if I'm NOT strong enough!? If I was a nail biter, I'd be biting them ferociously. Instead, I'm researching. I'm googling and reading... I'm finding articles, blogs, tips, motivational pictures...anything I can read to ease my fear. It's crazy to you, I know. You've seen me swim and miles and miles and miles of training swims not to mention finishing 11 Ironman before today. But the fear is real for me. And so much different every single time.
The thing is, there's nothing left to do except try. I certainly will not walk away. So I'm either going to finish the race, die trying, or not finish the race. I continued my day with an exhausted sigh of fear and fuck it...
I revisited the expo for air canisters. Everyone is out. Shoot. I did get a tube though and a special gift for my guy. Back to the hotel to pack up my gear and rest. Also attended the athlete briefing. If I make it through the swim, this course is going to be fantastic!! 2.4 miles point to point swim with the current in our favor, a windy but flat 3 loop 112 mile bike course, and a mostly flat 3 loop 26.2 mile run course. Sounds like it's super spectator friendly and lots of volunteer and crowd support out there. GREAT! Please let me make it through this terrifying swim! Send me all your vibes, SEND THEM!!
My afternoon was calm, reading my book, sipping a glass of wine, practicing my Italian, and into the evening... Oh!, I also met a couple this morning that between the 2 of them have finished almost 300 Ironman! They (along with 2 other guys) have completed every IM on the circuit. That's my goal!! I chatted them for a while and shared contact info. John and Elizabeth. John joked he needs a Coach. HA! I can't wait to follow their adventures!!
Mom arrived with two orders of business, schedule a dive and FOOD! About that time Clarence (my 70 year old Ironman bud) knocked and off we all went... Mom got an 8am dive scheduled for tomorrow morning since I'll be doing Ironman stuff anyway and we got dinner right after. An early night to the room.
I close out the day with what I tell my athletes all the time... Feel the fear and do it anyway.