Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Shit Storm

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I'm eating oatmeal squares and drinking pinot noir at 2:45 in the afternoon because why? Because I'm stuck in Kansas and have nothing else to do right now. A shit storm has collided with my life in the last 48 hours so here I am.

If you're behind, Jake and I were denied flight through American Airlines on Sunday. It's really a long story and isn't the point of this blog post... But since we're talking about it, laws were broken, rights were violated, and things are not going to end with rainbows and butterflies...

That in mind, I've taken inventory of a few really important facts about my life...

I pretty much have access to some of the MOST amazing people on earth. I don't have enough space to name all of you but in short, my mom is so smart, Phil is my best friend, Savhanna still has my back, Run-N-Tri loves me, my athletes are so understanding, and my friends are SUPPORTIVE. I am LOVED. And that feels better than anything else I can say from this point forward.

Next, I'm embarrassed about my disability. I thought I was okay with my diagnosis. I've been living/dealing with it since 2009. I've talked about it here and there and discussed it more in depth with close friends. While symptoms used to be much worse and have since calmed, I've realized that 'like riding a bicycle' they are not forgotten and will quickly surface and take over my body and mind. And it really kind of sucks pretty bad that it embarrasses me so much. It's not right that I feel the need to keep it hidden. But it does. And I do. *insert sad, I just want to feel stronger face*

Jake is a professional. There are times when he is a complete monster and I question his ability to understand English. And then there are times when I'm so impressed by his obedience and training that I feel like he is a human being stuck in a dogs body. Under an immensely stressful situation where we were being harassed and bombarded, Jake did EXACTLY what he was supposed to do. And I didn't even have to ask him to do so!

I am where I want to be despite being filled with wanderlust and adventure.
I am patient despite my impatience.
I am strong despite my weakness.
I have an entire army of support despite feelings of solitude.
I may have been a person of dishonesty and trickery in my youth, but that is not who I am. I am a good person trying to do the right thing. I want honesty and peace and love and pure true REAL'ness to canvas my life. I also want MAGIC and ADVENTURE and HAPPY!!

And finally, after drinking Pinot Noir in Burgundy Region, France, my favorite California Pinot Noir is no longer my favorite. Nor anywhere close. I only brought back 3 bottles of my French favorites so I'm either going to need to move to France or find a French wine distributor...


2 comments:

  1. NEVER be ashamed of any part of you. All of it has made you the amazing person you are who inspires others - with all your strengths and "perceived" non-strengths. And to Jake - YOU ROCK!!!!

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  2. Thanks for always inspiring me!

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